The chapter before the mouse hunt

2. The Species: Roommate

I have had several roommates over the years. I enjoy roommates because you get to see people at their worst, as well as at their best. You get to see all of the little details that people hide from the real world. All of their faults, and the bad hair days before they throw on the baseball hat. In roommates I look for at least two things, I don’t want to live with people who never stop to think and I don’t want to live with females. Girls take work, and they are less likely to come out of their room before shoving the baseball hat on. They are trained to be perfect almost all of the time and when someone sees them before they have reached a state of perfect then they grow fangs, growl and may even be biters. I should know, I am one of them. But I don’t growl, I roar and claw at the walls before going back to my bed and donning not just a baseball cap but the entire bedcover. So I like living with guys. I like pretending I am a spy on a mission to infiltrate the male race, although by writing this I just blew my cover and therefore must report to my leader that the mission was failure. I wonder if I will get the firing squad or if I will be marooned on a deserted island? Like I said, girls can be evil, they are vicious and punishment for failure is no laughing matter.

My last two years of roommates have been educational to say the very least. There has been four us. The spy and the three unsuspecting guys. It sounds like a bad comedy but it isn’t. The latest addition to the house has been pretty entertaining. I nicknamed him the “whirlwind”. The first weekend he lived in the house I thought we had been robbed. I went into the kitchen one morning and every cupboard and half the kitchen drawers were open. “Oh, no! Quick check to see if they got the Cheez Nips!” No, the crackers are safe. Whew. Relief. That was a close one. Wait, if they weren’t after our food, then why the ransacking of our kitchen? Do we have a ten foot tall mouse? Do I need to call someone? The Police? A Jungle Safari Leader? A female who hasn’t put on her make-up yet? Because if it is a ten foot mouse I am going to need either something with teeth or guns. A roommate stumbles into the kitchen to get some food. I watch carefully, noting his reaction. Nothing. This is normal to him. Ooooohh. It dawns on me slowly. I have found the mouse. Not quiet ten feet but bigger than I am. I bare my teeth…Hmmm.. no.. too big to chew. So I laugh, and I comply with the secret roommate code, meaning I ignore it. We have weird habits and we all have a right to them. As the months progress the midnight robberies of the kitchen cupboards continue. After a while I just can’t resist. I have to ask. “So, little mouse, why do you leave all of the cupboards open?” I get a look like I am the freak here. “Easier access.” Obviously if one leaves the cupboards standing open and wants a snack they then do not have to take the time to actually OPEN the cupboard. The food is already there, waiting to be chosen and devoured. Silly me. About three weeks later we got our first mouse.