In honor of the time of year

14. New Twist on Old Easter Traditions

Now when most people think back to their childhood Easter experience they come up with visuals of fluffy little girl dresses, and brightly colored Easter eggs hidden in the grass at the park. Throw in going to church at some point during the day and you have a picture perfect Easter holiday. Here is what I come up with when I think back to those days….getting poked by cactuses, and being hit in the head by flying taffy. Sounds like a bad joke right? No, this was my childhood. There is a very good reason I have the strange sense of humor that I am so proud of today. I blame my parents. This is pointing my finger at them and saying this entirely your fault type of blame. And they have no retort because I am without a doubt right about this. You see when I was little my mom, god love her, was a little twisted when it came to hiding the candy. Most kids find their Easter eggs and chocolates hidden in the soft comfy of couch cushions and the like, but not my family. Oh no. It was much fiercer than that in our home. My mom would take jelly beans and stick them in between the cactus thorns in her little desert garden. After my sisters and I had found every single possible piece of candy that was not a hazard to our health we would line up in front of these cactus plants, look at eachother and wait for the first one dumb enough to make a move. That child was generally me. I’d like to think it was because I was brave, daring and the owner of an over powering sweet tooth but really I was just the only one who wasn’t bright enough to realize that sticking your fingers into cactuses was not a good idea. Sadly, I actually managed to perfect this art which lets you know that it wasn’t a one time event that I fell for. You should see the grin on my mom’s face when she tells that story, purely wicked. My other fantastic Easter memory was not my mom’s fault. Nope this one was all my step-dad. They had a trait in common when it comes to this sense of humor thing I have been talking about. His was much more surprising however. Easter morning comes around and we are all in the living room waiting for whatever is going to happen, my step-dad wanders off towards the kitchen and as he does so he casually flips on the fan. Crash, Zing, Thwap! AHHHHHH!!!! Horrified screams of little girls, laughter from parents, and taffy exploding all over the room like tiny missiles. My sister and I had no idea what the hell was going on, all we knew was that suddenly our calm conversation was interrupted because we were being pelted in the head with not-so-soft candy. Steve turned the fan off and we all come out of our hiding places. My parents had stacked 2-lbs of taffy on the fan blades so the candy would “fall” when it was turned on. They didn’t realize it would come cascading out of the sky like the wrath of god. After the shock wore off it was really funny. We all laughed and giggled at how surprised we were. Months later we were still finding taffy in plant pots and under tables. There were very few holidays in our household that were normal, and they were never boring.